Do you “love thy neighbour?” and how much would you spend to prove that you do – or don’t? Am I asking you too many questions? Well here’s a few thoughts:
Some participants in mediations tell me “it’s time to bury the hatchet” The problem is some of them are prepared to bury it in each other, or in the others property! So how much are they prepared to spend to make their point? In the last 12 mediations I’ve conducted, over half settled on all the issues by late afternoon – apart from the costs! – how mad is that? But I see it time and again so it’s a real issue. Why can’t some people just “let things go and move on”? Oops – another question. I think the answer lies in the way most of us have been brought up to think that we have to be “right” and if we’re “right” the other person must be “wrong” . We see it every day in Parliament and the “knee jerk” rush to pass judgement on the Leveson Report is a very good example of this in my view.
In my opinion “being right” doesn’t always help us in the long run: If we use a hatchet against our neighbour or our business partner and “win” then sooner or later they’ll want to find a bigger hatchet and “get their own back” and so it will continue. If we get everything we want in a dispute and “beat” our neighbour, how will it be to live next door? and what will happen when we need a favour from them? Many participants in mediation don’t seem to think that through.
As I’ve said many times, life is too short; and what goes around comes around. So next time you feel the urge to “prove a point” or show someone that your rights are more important than theirs, why not try to bury the hatchet….. right at the bottom of the garden- and if you make that trip together – how much more powerful that will be.
In this season of goodwill – remember, loving thy neighbour isn’t just for Christmas.
Best wishes for the festive season
Roger
